What is innocence? Innocence in general terms is lack of guilt, or lack of wrong doing. It means a person never committed any crime or other offense.
We usually attribute innocence to children. They still don’t know about ‘bad things’ or have deliberately bad intentions. They have what we call innocent eyes, not desiring anything that could upset or hurt others. So, when we talk about innocence in sex, sexual innocence, what could that mean?
It is a big subject because sex for a long, long time – if not always! – had a ‘bad image’. It has been seen as something dirty, sinful, almost a crime. And it is true that around sexuality there is a lot of crime happening, like rape and abuse.
Why is it this way, why do these things happen? It is because sexual energy and the sexual arousal in the body create an extremely powerful and addictive state of euphoria, of strong pleasurable feelings in the body. People get addicted to experiencing this state. They can no longer resist the desire to have this type of pleasure. This is what can lead to crime as the desire can bring a person to abuse and use force towards another.
Let’s say two people are in a wonderful loving relationship. We are talking about a situation that has nothing to do with somebody raping another in the street. But even here, in this kind of loving relationship, when it comes to sex it can happen that force is used. That one person is forcing the other, using and abusing the body of their partner to get this sexual pleasure, this euphoria through releasing in the brain the hormones that act like a drug. A person can use the partners body to create this sensation solely for themselves, not caring about how the partner feels in that moment.
Recently I had a client coming to me to learn how not to ejaculate so quickly. He told me he had pain in the penis because his girlfriend hurt it through moving on him, rubbing it hardly with her body. So we all know that both men and women can use and abuse each others bodies to create high arousal and get orgasms.
Sexual innocence then is when a person wants to connect to their partner without this desire to get something. When they want to simply connect lovingly and openly without any demands.