What is intimacy?

We all want intimacy though we often do not understand that intimacy is different from just being sexual or having sexual desire. We all want to be sexually attractive. This is a deep and fundamental desire in everyone and it gives us confidence, inspiration, energy, a sense of power and well-being. As human beings we are all born sexual beings!

Most people agree that making love confirms and maintains the bond to their partners. We know that sexual happiness helps the relationship and provides stability and security. We want stable relationships as it gives us companionship, better health, more confidence and many other joys. Deep down we want to make love at any age and after many years of marriage.

We might believe that we know how to be intimate and think we have a lot to offer our lovers. However, often what we do create is not true intimacy. Most of us do not know what making love is or how to make love instead of ‘having sex’. Because of this a lot of people go through love dramas, once or several times in their lives. The truth is that everyone feels wonderful in the beginning of a new intimate relationship and everyone feels awful when the intimate life starts to become problematic.

Men and women do not realise how much intimacy depends on their physical body, on how they perceive it, how they treat it and how they interact with another physical body. Most of them might not agree with the above statement, but be honest with yourself. When you think about intimacy, what pictures come to your mind first? I am sure that your thoughts are around your own and your lover’s body. You think about holding hands, kisses, hugs and sex, don’t you? You would not feel intimate with someone who is physically unattractive to you. You would not want to touch that person’s body. On the other hand you would consider being in love with a person who’s body creates in your mind a desire to touch it. Also, if you are attracted to someone you might worry about your own physical body. Will your body be attractive to that person? Will this person want to touch you? Intimacy is not present if your partner doesn’t allow you to touch his/her body. Intimacy is dead if you do not want to touch your partner.

Unfortunately the fact that the physical body is the main source of attraction, joy and worry, has a very strong impact on the relationship. If your physical body does not feel comfortable, is not aroused enough, is hurt, or doesn’t reach orgasm, you might conclude that your partner is not good for you. You might end a relationship with a person who could really be your true soul mate and a wonderful partner in all other aspects of your life. How your physical body interacts with the body of your loved one can maintain or destroy the relationship.