About Grief…

sadGrief… Somebody from the close family has died. Most couples would avoid sexual contact for many days or even months after the tragedy has happened. They would let sad emotions dominate over their life and over their love. “How is it possible to have sex, when the grief is there?” – a lot of people would think, “It is not the right moment for sex!”

Sexual contact is mainly considered as an expression of happiness, energy, love in its best “sunny moments”. Sex is mostly presented as fun, excitement, play, joy. Orgasms are considered as a result of such pleasant timing, pleasant stimulations of body parts and sensors creating arousal. But, pity that people hardly ever discover during their life the healing and therapeutic power of human sexuality. At the time of grief the couple can become the best therapist for each other using sexual energy as a fire that heats the “body water” and evaporates the sadness. Sensual and sexual contact between a man and a woman when both are in emotional pain is like a counselor who speaks a different language, subconscious language, loving and comforting physical language. Reflexes of our body influence our emotions. We give cuddles to our children when they are sad or unhappy. We can give special sexual “cuddles” to each other when we are sad. When we start to change our moods on the physical level we bring changes to out psychology. If the couple know how to relax each other and then how to start having sensual and sexual contact, bringing into it a means of supporting each other, sharing grief together, empowering each other’s energy for life (life has to continue despite our grief!), the couple can open a huge source of relief at this difficult time for both of them. Their sexuality would become the healer which can be more potent then that of a psychiatrist or counselor operating on a logical level which mostly refers to the brain. Emotions are in the heart. The brain can do nothing about them. Sexual energy which rises from the body but flows through the heart (if people learn Tantric sexuality) creates a stream which can clean away “heavy” emotions and replace them with positive, optimistic ones. The event of the tragedy cannot be changer. But, the attitude to the tragedy can be changed. Healing sexuality can change the attitude to the tragedy, can bring acceptance and open the way out of sadness.

If sadness takes place over too long a time and closes the door to each other’s world of physical love it could be difficult to restore sexual connection again. It could even change the relationship of the couple forever. Do not stop touching each other in a sensual and sexual way in the time of grief, do not let your grief cause you to both grow apart, do share your love and your grief in Tantric lovemaking.